Less than three weeks into a new year and already I need to call in my fellow cis white mascs for an educational huddle. I swear, y’all must have made being a clownshoe a resolution or something.

Here’s my 2024 Challenge to you all:

Make 2024 the year you stop shitting on someone’s joy like it’s your fucking job.

When someone on social media talks about something they love, whether that’s a book, movie, TV show, play, game, dog breed, type of food, whatever, your way into the conversation is not to reply or quote retweet them and crap all over it. Who do you think you’re impressing when you do that? Do you think the person will suddenly decide you’re right because you were an inflamed asshole to them? When has that ever worked in the history of ever?

Now, there is a tiny possibility that some of you think you’re legitimately adding to the conversation, that you think a longer conversation will grow from you spewing toxicity all over someone’s joy. If that is you, I need to you to focus up right now and believe me when I tell you: you add nothing  and will get no where by dumping on folks.

And I say “folks” but let’s be crystal clear, most often and recently it’s non-white, non-masc folks who bear the brunt of your foolishness. Because *I* have posted about things I love and never heard a fucking whisper from any of you. But let any of my BIPOC and/or non-masc friends and peers post the exact same opinion and it’s like they stepped in fire ants, y’all come swarming out from your keyboards ready to sting the shit out of someone for, let me just check my notes, LIKING SOMETHING YOU DON’T. You aren’t subtle about it and it is fucking wearying.

Hey, it’s okay not to like a thing another person likes, just like it’s okay to like something nobody else does. The only caveat I put on that is “as long as it isn’t non-consensually hurting anyone”. And no, someone liking something you don’t does not, in fact, constitute harm. It affects you not at all until you decide to bunch your own underwear over it, and frankly that’s a self-inflicted wound, sport.

I know a lot of my fellow cis white mascs don’t need to be told this, and you might read this, the self-evidence forcing a weary nod. Another chunk of you, assuming you made it past the first use of cis above, are working yourself into a self-righteous tizzy. That’s fine, I never really expected to get through to you but I had to try because that’s my flavour of whiskey.

But for the small group of you that are *actually* trying to have a conversation when you crap on someone’s joy, here’s a few things you can say instead that might not you instantly blocked, that may actually get you a good conversation:

• “Huh, I admit I never looked at the show like that before. Is there somewhere I can start watching that will help me see it like you do?”
• “I bounced off that book the first time I tried to read it, but your point is interesting. Do you have a favourite part that shows that off best?”
• “Yeah, that series wasn’t my cup of tea but I watched [other series] which I think is close. Have you watched that? What did you think?”
• Nothing

That last is important, because honestly you don’t have to comment at all. If all you are doing is commenting to crap on them, I promise you their day will be greatly improved by your absence. Just jog on. If you crap on them anyway, you deserve every bad thing about to happen to you and I hope a wasp stings your nether region.

But the above quotes are meant to demonstrate two things. One, it is possible to disagree with someone and not be a one-handled greasy toolbag about it. And two, showing genuine interest in what they’re saying is a better way into a conversation than the verbal equivalent of Agent Orange. It is important to note, though, even if you ask someone a question in good faith, you are not owed an answer, now or ever. If they decide to answer and keep the conversation going, that is a gift. Accept it in gratitude and enjoy it while it lasts.

The long and the short of it, fellas? The world is shit and you have the choice to add to that or try to decrease it. If you do the former you’re a fissured arsehole and not worth my time; I block y’all as soon as you pop off. If you aim to the latter, however imperfectly, we’re cool. Keep it going.