I’ve been spending some time on forums and message boards lately. Some might say too much time, and some might be correct. I’m usually able to act with restraint, but every once in a while I succumb to “Someone is Wrong on the Internet!” Syndrome. When that happens, the only way out is through.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun doing it. In my younger days that meant trolling, but as I don’t do that any more (say it with me: Trolling Improves Nothing!) I have to make my own fun. And fun means games, so I came up with a little Internet Forum Drinking Game that you can play at home. As a matter of fact, I heartily recommend playing it at home; it would get quite expensive to play at a bar or pub. Also, if you do decide to play, please play within your limits; the penalty for going too far down this rabbit hole is liver disease. I suggest playing with coffee instead, taking a sip in place of a shot. Maybe not as fun, but potentially less consequences to your digestive and urinary systems.

The Rules

Take one shot (or sip) when:

– there are grammatical and/or spelling mistakes in the post (Note: please, just one sip/shot per post, not mistake. No need to kill yourself)

– a reply to the Original Post which ignores the subject of the post (ie, OP was about a sexism and the reply switches to animal cruelty); take another shot if this derails the OP

– a reply to the OP is an attack against the poster and not the argument (ad hominem)

– there is any variation of the phrasing, “I completely support [blank], but…”, which goes on to show the poster is in fact not in support of [blank]. Or perhaps doesn’t know what “support” means.

– someone mentions Hitler or Stalin (Note: does not apply to any forums or message boards discussing WWII, early Cold War Russia, Nazis etc.)

– a reply to the OP and subsequent arguments has any variation of the phrasing, “You misinterpreted what I said.”; take two shots/sips if it was misinterpreted. But mostly you’ll be taking one.

– a reply contains a heavily exaggerated or extreme example to refute the OP’s argument. (strawman)

– a reply contains a link to someone’s art; two shots/sips if the art is actually relevant to the discussion.

– someone passive-aggressively poses an offensive opinion in the guise of an innocent question, ie “Why can’t we objectively study which races are smarter than others?”

– someone “apologizes” by being sorry he/she thought you would “get” what he/she was saying.

– some variation of “What about men’s rights?” pops up in a discussion about sexism.

– a “Men’s Rights” slacktivist posts he “wears his fedora proudly”, with a picture. Take one drink if the hat is actually a Trilby, two drinks if it is, in fact, a Fedora. See the end of the post for visual aids.

That should be enough to get you started down a long and inebriated (or wired) road. The Internet Forum Drinking Game is an ever-evolving rules set so if you have a rule you’d like to add , please leave it in the comments.

THIS is a fedora. Note the wider brim.

This is a Trilby. Note the narrower brim. THIS IS NOT A FEDORA.